Balding like an embalmed syphilitic tyrant August 10, 2009Posted by caveblogem in Other.
I try not to be a vain person, really. I’ve got to admit, however, that having a little mostly bald patch on the top of my head near the back really bothers me. Try to put my finger on what there is about it that really gets to me and I’d have to guess that it makes me feel like I look weak. It’s stupid. I am much stronger, and in slightly better shape than any other time in my life, except possibly my late teens. Something about having hair, but a missing patch, seems worse than no hair at all.
There are few famous people sporting this particular look, which makes it all the worse, of course. The famous guys my age have rugs or hair plugs or were vain enough to start using monoxidil in their youth. Some shave their heads, which my wife discourages me from doing. I was reading last week’s New Yorker and ran across a real gem, though. Buried in Ian Frazier’s two-part travel narrative about Siberia is the phrase, used to describe a companion, “Lenin-pattern baldness.”
With Lenin-pattern baldness I can still be intimidating and frightening. I find that a comfort, somehow. “Get off my lawn,” bellowed the big guy down the street with Lenin-pattern baldness.
*I should probably note that the title to this post is derived from a line in one of my favorite books, Microserfs, by Douglas Coupland.